Blogging on a Rainy Day in the Hospital

The rain has been increasing all day as Tropical Storm Ernesto makes her dying gasps over southern Ontario this weekend. As I woke up this morning, fevered and with a headache on this, my eighth day as a guest of the Credit Valley Hospital, I watched the clouds roll in and my mood was not unlike the weather outside.

When my wife and I took me to Emergency last Saturday after watching my temperature rise over two hours (something that no cancer patient undergoing chemo can ignore), I was told that that I would likely be home within a couple of days. Eight days later, I am still being told that I will likely be able to return home in a couple of days. The truth is, I know that I am not ready to go home; the fever returns each night (as do the headaches) and in the morning I feel weak and dizzy. My blood pressure is low and my blood counts are still low (even after receiving two units of blood earlier in the week).

And so I wait, while the rain gently falls.

I confess to not being very happy at having to completely cancel my teaching at Toronto Baptist Seminary last week and I have already cancelled some consultations meetings I was going to do on dependency in Montana next week. These were things that I had planned and prepared for, at a considerable sacrifice over the two weeks previously, in particular. But a low grade fever and dropping blood counts cut these plans and preparations off at the knees. As I look ahead to the fall, I have concerns. Nothing seems certain right now.

And so, as the remnants of Ernesto fall to the earth here in Mississauga this evening, I reflect on the future and acknowledge once again how I need to leave room for God to alter my plans. I retain my confidence that God is in charge of my life and nothing comes into it that does not first pass through His loving, sovereign hands. This past week did not take Him by surprise. And my future does not bring Him concern.

I can trust this God even in hospital rooms on rainy days in Mississauga.