How to Write a Letter That No One Will Read

Today I received a letter from a concerned supporter in which she included a copy of a letter that she sent to a local politician. For all of her good intentions, I can guarantee that he will never see it. Why?

Is it because the politician is callous and uncaring? Is it because politicians do not read letters from constituents? Is it because politicians are evil doers and ignore letters from Christians?

In truth it is because the letter is so filled with Christian presuppositions, accusations, slander and self-righteousness that it will never make it past the first trash can before finding a permanent home there. Does that sound harsh? It isn't meant to be, but it saddens me that this politician (or his aids) could receive this letter and his impression of Christians will be influenced by what is written. The letter was meant to address a serious and important issue but it will likely never be taken seriously simply because of how it was written.

Over the years, I have seen a number of such examples of well-intentioned but ultimately useless correspondence. To that end, here are a few tips on how to write a letter that no one will read:

1. Quote the Bible. As much as I respect the Scriptures, using biblical passages in a letter to a politician will almost guarantee that it will not be taken seriously. You will appear to be a religious fanatic and not someone who has seriously thought about an issue.

2. Express your anger. Want your letter to be dismissed as hate mail? Use exclamation marks liberally, write in a preaching tone and include veiled threats of divine judgment.

3. Write to the wrong person. Not all letters of protest about federal policy should be written to the Prime Minister. Sometimes it is better to write to your local Member of Parliament or to a Minister. Find out who is the best person to receive a letter before you send it out.

4. Use a form letter or a petition. Personal, handwritten letters are better received than form letters and especially a petition. VOMC typically avoids making these available because of their relative ineffectiveness. The only person that they really benefit is the person writing is because of how easy they are to use. But is this really the point?

5. Write long letters. Enough said. Letters to politicians should be no more than a page long. Anything longer and you may be wasting your time and ink.

6. Cover many topics. Hey, while you have his or her attention, why not address a number of things that are bothering you? Instead, stick to one subject, write on it well and succinctly and then finish. Avoid the temptation to sneak other concerns in the back door.

7. Don't identify yourself. Keep your identity a secret. Surely this will add an air of mystery to your letter. Right...all the way to the paper shredder.

8. Refuse to use proper titles. Show disrespect for them by referring to them by their first name. Address your letter to "Dear Scumbag." This will really get their attention! In truth, remember that politicians, ambassadors and all other government leaders are entitled to the respect that you can give them even if they make you angry sometimes. If you want to be taken seriously, address them by their proper title and salutation.

In the next few weeks, we are going to be totally rewriting our advocacy pages on our website so as to assist you to write more effective letters. Watch for more details.